Are we too Idealistic?

by Muslim Parenting on Monday, 01 November 2010 at 00:26

 

 

 

Dealing with the Mistakes of Children
Many of our educational mistakes are in the way we deal with the mistakes of our children. Points that should be observed in this regard include the following:
a) Do Not Be Too Idealistic
Often we are too idealistic with our children and expect from them what is beyond them, and then we blame them for what we regard as mistakes, although they are not really so. In early childhood, for example, a child does not have certain motor skills. If he carries a cup or a glass, it might fall from his hands and break. Instead of chiding and blaming him, a mother can say something like: “I am glad you have not hurt yourself. I know you did not mean the cup to fall down. It is wrong when one does something like this on purpose. Now, let us try to remove the broken glass so no one will get hurt.” Such an approach defines clearly to him what is wrong and what is right, makes him accustomed to be responsible for what he does, and gives him the feeling that he is the focus of attention and that he is appreciated. It is really odd that we are ready to break the hearts of our children when they break a pot that might not be worth more than two riyals. Are children less valuable than pots?
b) Apply Proportionate Punishment
A mother might find it necessary to punish her child, and a punishment, when applied where it is needed, is an educational tool. Some mothers, however, apply punishment when they are in a state of great anger, which turns the punishment into an act of revenge. In fact, in many cases, this is how children feel when their parents spank them.
The hard feelings that the child will have when he receives such punishment will reflect on his relations with other people; the effect of that punishment will continue even till he is an old man. It is very hard to eradicate such feelings as result from disproportionate punishment.
c) Avoid Obscenities
When some parents get mad at their children and want to reprimand them, the parents use vulgar, or even obscene, language, or they employ rude expressions in criticizing the children. Such a behavior on the part of parents gets the children used to improper language. A rational person does not get so angry as to forget his manners in dealing with people, and particularly in dealing with his children.
d) Avoid Insults
It is very important in dealing with the mistakes of children to avoid insulting them, hurting their feelings, or telling them that they have failed, or that they are childish, disorganized, stupid, or something else of this sort. Insults contribute a lot to the loss of self-confidence and cultivate in the child bad manners and teach him bad language.
e) Avoid Embarrassing the Child
The same as we hate to be criticized openly, our children also hate to be criticized in front of other people. When a child makes a mistake in the presence of guests, it is wrong for her mother or father to reprimand and embarrass her in front of them or in front of other children.

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